I love to watch people’s reactions as they open Holiday gifts. There is a moment when time suspends– they don’t quite know what to say or do. Thoughts race across their heads:
Is this for real?
Should I laugh? Should I cry?
Did someone really buy this? I wonder where?
I think I saw this on an infomercial.
I hope someone else wants this.
Who can I re-gift this to?
This is a keeper!
It is those moments that take me back to the last Christmas that I spent in my parents’ home. It was 1982 and their first Christmas in their retirement dream house. It was perfectly situated on a golf course in central Florida. Being New Englanders, spending Christmas in hot weather was a little disconcerting. The gifts, however, were more troubling than the weather.
My younger brother asked for cross country knickers or a sleeping bag. He got Pyrex baking dishes. To this day, whenever one of us opens a gift and doesn’t quite know what to say or do, we ask, “Pyrex?” I asked for a Lanz nightgown. I got a sweater scraper and a lamp that turned on when you slapped it—a relative of “The Clapper.” I eventually re-gifted mine to my oldest brother who had also received one. I reasoned, to his delight, that at least one of us should have a matched set. After opening a fish-shaped clipboard, a reindeer made of palm fronds, a deluxe squeegee, a bank made of a sock embroidered with the phrase “sock it away” and a second sweater scraper each, we had exhausted the pile of gifts.
It is obvious to me now that my parents had never read Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. The basic premise is that we express love in the way that we want to receive it. Since gift giving is a way of expressing love, we tend to give gifts that speak our own love language—not necessarily the same language as our loved ones.
There are five love languages: acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical affection and receiving gifts. To most, coveted gifts are those that speak the love language of the recipient. Some examples:
If your loved one is an “acts of service” person, the box from Tiffany’s means little—unless it is engraved with something thoughtful, then that’s better but not quite there yet. He/she would be delighted, however, by your taking out the trash, washing the car, emptying the dishwasher, or making breakfast without having to ask for it.
If your loved one is a “quality time” person, a pre-arranged weekend getaway or a special date night would be perfect.
If your loved one is a “words of affirmation” person, spend some time on the card.
If your loved one is a “physical affection” person, get them a massage, a facial, a spa day or a coupon book of hugs.
If your loved one is a “receiving gifts” person—pay attention to their wish list—they mean it.
So now that I know the love language of gifts, my parents’ gifts still made no sense. I could not for the life of me figure out what love language they were speaking. My brother reminded me that they had become enamored with a place in Florida called the “Dollar Store.” As retirees with five children, they were speaking their own love language: gift giving they could afford.
This article was sponsored by BKS Partners.
